Know Thyself . . .

Behavior is influenced generally by three facets of the self: (1) the actual self (the person’s self-concept); (2) the ideal self (what the person would like to be); and (3) the ought self (the mental representation of what that person should be).

We must be careful, however, with the term "actual." While there is, of course, an actual self, a person seldom arrives at an entirely accurate conclusion to that effect. Self-evaluation is subjective, obscuring the actual self from the person’s awareness.

This difference can delude the individual even in what the individual views as behavior. A particularly quick-tempered individual, for instance, although having the awareness of possessing that form of behavior, may be consciously unaware to what degree it exists. This is an explanation as to why we sometimes don’t really know why we hold an opinion or behaved in a particular way.

This form of self-delusion can also carry over how one views oneself, that is, one’s self-concept.

The late Earl Nightingale once asked a very wealthy friend when it was that he considered himself wealthy. The friend replied, "I was rich when I was dirt poor. My present possessions are only symptoms of the reality." A great deal of research has shown that self-concept may be the basis for all motivated behavior.

Although the terms "self-concept" and "self-esteem" have often been used interchangeably, the two have specific differences. Generally, self-concept composes the learned beliefs, attitudes and opinions that one holds to be true about oneself.

Self-esteem concerns the value the individual places on the self, or how one feels about the self, which is fed by the self-concept. It is, then, in effect, the system of measurement of the components of self-concept.

Self-esteem reflects a desire for strength, achievement, adequacy, mastery, and competence. They get to know themselves. When people know themselves, they can maximize outcomes because they know what they can and cannot do.

As one should be able to see, the path from true self-actualization to a healthy self-esteem can be difficult–almost impossible to achieve by oneself. This is one good reason for psychologists, trained ministers, and other competent counselors. It often can make a dramatic difference in one’s life-–and those lives of one’s loved ones-–to seek such assistance. It has been known to save marriages, careers, and, yes, very lives.

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