The Ravages of Shame

What provokes shame is the feeling of being seen as a person other than who we are, the feeling of being misunderstood. It is a sense of deficit in the self. Feelings of shame and humiliation are affective states that require considerable evaluative and self-evaluative components.

All these processes concern man’s social nature. We can distinguish between an “aggressive sociality,” in which an individual, in striving to achieve his aims, is not concerned about damaging other people; and an “adoptive sociality,” in which the individual may favor others or seek the approval and collaboration of others in achieving an objective.

Humans project various images of themselves, depending on the type of image that is sought, what is most useful in particular circumstances, and for whom the image is intended. An image of appeasement and nonaggression toward a possible partner in the act of courtship may be combined with an aggressive or combative image when in the face of a rival or when it is important to mark one’s territory.

Shame is about the self, which is the self only by virtue of confirmation, recognition, affirmation, and perhaps understanding from others. The self-conscious awareness that self image is dependant on other people’s opinions and the possibility of failure or rejection gives rise to shame.

Shame (and guilt, which may or may not be synonomous) is a state of anxiety. There is a fundamental difference between standard emotion and the state of anxiety. While emotions generically comprise a necessary part of our intellectual makeup, anxiety will invariably and inevitably sabotage the intellect. The intellectual structures we create for ourselves are never completely secure. Anxiety is one basic cause of its impending or actual collapse.

I realize this piece may be somewhat hard to follow, and for that I apologize. The bottom line is that shame, or any type of stress and anxiety, can damage or even destroy careers, families, and even lives, and, just as the above is rather complicated, so can be dealing with stress and anxiety. This is why trying to tackle it by oneself is not often successful.


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